Zero Negative
by DemonSurfer
Summary: I loved her with all of my heart, body, and soul. And yet I killed her.


To a pairing I've never seen but wish was written more. Zim and Miyuki.

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I remember her.

I remember her clearly, as though she were standing directly in front of me and not trapped within the memory files of my PAK. Flawless dark green skin. Long, delicately curled antennae. Vibrant green eyes. Her eyes stand out the clearest to me. They were so expressive, able to convey all of her emotions in a single glance. I remember them the best, down to the smallest eyelash. She was beautiful, beyond beautiful, into words that normal Irkens have no use for. There might be a human word for it, for humans are emotional things. But I'm not good with the human language, and so beautiful is how I describe her.

To the Empire and the citizens of Irk, she was known as the Almighty Tallest. To me, however, she was Miyuki. My beautiful Tallest Miyuki.

I loved her.

I know it is ridiculous to say that I loved her. Everyone loved Miyuki. She was kind, and understanding, and yet when her Empire was threatened, she was ruthless in defending it. She thought of all Irkens as her smeets, and as she was Tallest, it was her duty to protect and nurture her smeets.

I loved her. I loved the way that she acted, the way that she moved. Her voice and her features were all beautiful. And I loved _her_, the Miyuki that was never shown to the masses. The one that would humor you by letting you talk about your newest creation, smiling and pleased with her smeet.

I knew Miyuki personally. There aren't many who can say that, but I can, and I repeat myself with pride. I knew her in person, all eight feet and one-half inches in height.

I met her, and knew her, on the research station I was sent to. I was young, fresh out of the Academy, and full of ideas. Unfortunately, I was always too eager in my younger days. I've been too eager in everything up until recently. But they stationed me at the military research planet under the Vort scientist Lard Nar. They told him that I was "good at blowing stuff up", that I would "excel in military research". I hate them. But I must thank them as well, for if I had not been stationed there, I would have never had met her. I would not have loved her.

And maybe she would still be alive today if she had not met me.

Our first meeting was casual and quick. Just a bump in the halls, a quick "Excuse me, my Tallest," and that was it. I was too wrapped around my lab goggles to really notice her the first time. And so our first meeting passed without a glance.

Our second meeting, however, was more dramatic, and less casual. She saved me. I had recently been attacked by a group of Taller Irkens in the halls of the research compound. I wasn't liked much there. I've never been liked much anywhere. It comes with being short and arrogant, I suppose. My ego has never matched my body.

I was too dazed at first to even realize that there was someone standing over me, that my attackers had fled. I was in pretty bad shape, with my arm broken and two ribs bruised. My vision was hazy from a large gash on my forehead. All I could see was a large green shape that was a lot bigger than I was. I remember I had tried to get away, scooting back a little and trying to fend off my new attacker with my good arm. They weren't deterred, and I was gently picked up and in someone's arms. They were wearing green armor.

I know I looked a little closer at the person that was carrying me somewhere. It was a shock when I recognized it as the Almighty Tallest Miyuki.

The Tallest, carrying a injured and bleeding scientist's understudy that only came up to her knee? It made no sense. I'd never been shown an ounce of kindness before, and why should I have been cut any slack? I was short and had a big mouth. And yet here was my Tallest, apparently concerned for me as if I were one of her Elite or an advisor. I couldn't comprehend it, and as I drifted into unconsciousness, a thought circled in my head like a broken record.

Why, my Tallest? I'm nobody.

Our third meeting, for me at least, was waking up in her chambers. My Tallest had apparently taken me to her own private chambers, concerned that I wouldn't be given proper care in the medical wing. She asked me how I was doing when I woke up. I, of course, was nervous and confused, and so replied that I was fine. My head hurt, my sides hurt, and my arm hurt when I moved it, but otherwise I was fine.

She laughed a little at that, and I think was where it started. That's when I went from loving my Tallest to loving Miyuki.

We had many meetings after that. Once she found me in the halls again, passed out on the floor. Lard Nar was running me ragged at the time, and I had just collapsed between errands. It was a good thing Miyuki had found me. I don't really want to think about what would have happened if one of my many, many enemies had found me unconscious and defenseless.

I visited her rooms a few more times, and she visited my rooms. I always had some odd and new invention to show her, and she would sit in rapt attention while I explained what it did and ran a demonstration for her. Sometimes they machines worked and she would be delighted. Most of the time they didn't, and she would dissolve into a fit of laughter while I attacked and cursed at my invention

After I had worn myself out teaching my invention a lesson, Miyuki would pat the bed next to her and ask me to come sit down. My rooms were small, as my station and body were small, and the only real piece of furniture was the bed.

I would sit beside Miyuki and we would just talk about things. Things that had happened, things that might happen, stupid things, anything. Miyuki knew a lot about a lot of things, and I would listen as she told me about other worlds and races and foods she had encountered. Sometimes, if it had been a particularly tiring week, she would let me rest my head on her lap and she would stroke my antennae as we just sat and enjoyed the silence. She told me once that she could tell me anything, things that she couldn't even tell her High Advisor Spork.

Spork. My lip curls at the very thought of that Irk. He infuriates me as much as Red and Purple do, though back then he didn't. His eyes were a peculiar shade of green that seemed almost yellow, and gave him a harsh look. It matched his demeanor perfectly. He was shorter than Miyuki by at least a foot, and yet Taller than any other Irken by almost that much. The position of High Advisor was created especially for him, and he was supposed to be Miyuki's closest contact. And yet she preferred to talk to me about most things.

Spork hated me. I'm sure he hated me with every fiber of his being. He was a jealous type, ambitious and proud. It was obvious that he wanted to be Tallest, and yet he wasn't. It also riled him that Miyuki found enjoyment in spending time with an Irken of such short stature. And yet I never viewed him as much of a threat.

That was a mistake.

I remember…I remember the inspection. We were to show off our greatest inventions for the Tallest. It was also my last chance to talk to Miyuki. After the inspection she would be heading off to a different planet, leaving me and all of our memories together behind. It was improper for a Tallest to associate with an Irken that was so much shorter. I was terrified that if she left, if she left without _knowing_, that I'd be forgotten. I would be tossed aside like so many of my own failed inventions, like something that never mattered. I didn't want to be nobody anymore. And I had to tell her.

I loved her.

Truly and completely, I loved Miyuki. And if I didn't tell her today, she would never know.

My invention for the inspection was an Infinite Energy Absorbing Blob. I had gotten the idea from Lard Nar's Infinite Energy Generator and by something Miyuki had told me once. We would eventually clash with a race called the Meekrob that were as technologically advanced as we were. I remember hearing that the Meekrob were made of pure energy, and I felt that a thing that could fit into any space and absorb an infinite amount of energy would prove extremely valuable. There was even a small remote I had that would direct the thing to attack certain areas and to "sleep" when it wasn't needed anymore.

I tested and tested it to perfection. I had worked all the bugs out. It would be something special for my Miyuki. It couldn't go wrong.

But it did.

It went so wrong, so horribly wrong.

My Miyuki was talking to one of the Vortians about a design for a new ship called the Massive. Being who I was, I had to add my two cents. Miyuki had looked at me and smiled at my comment.

It was the last time I would ever see her beautiful smile.

The next thing I knew, Lard Nar was screaming something about his generator. I turned, intending to snap something at him, and was frozen, horrified. My blob had eaten his generator.

_My _blob. The one that was still supposed to be in sleep mode!

I had no time to ponder what had happened. My Infinite Energy Absorbing Blob had eaten Lard Nar's Infinite Energy Generator. Whatever happened, wouldn't be good.

My blob shook for a moment, its body expanding as it took in the energy. Then it _roared_, even though it wasn't supposed to do anything even remotely animalistic. Maybe the sudden surge of energy had rewritten its programming. In any case, it was free. And as it turned its massive body in the direction of its next meal, I saw my Miyuki, my Tallest, standing directly in its path.

I wanted to yell at her. To scream at her to get out of the way. I couldn't make a sound. It was like my tongue had frozen to the roof of my mouth. I wanted to run and push her out of the way, to throw something at the _thing_ and draw its attention away from my Miyuki. I couldn't move.

I wanted to do something, _anything_, to stop what was happening. What was going to happen. But I couldn't.

I watched in complete abject horror as my creation swept Almighty Tallest Miyuki into its mouth with a single swipe of an artificial tentacle.

I love you, Miyuki.

I'm sorry.

I might have passed out then, or I might have stood frozen in that spot, hoping that it would eat me too. But it didn't. And as I came to I could hear the wails of an entire race as they were informed that their beloved Tallest had been killed.

I cried, too. I found a corner in the half-destroyed room and curled up in it, crying as hard as I could, like it would reverse what the monster did. What_ I _had done. My Tallest was dead, and it was _my_ fault! I was responsible!

My Tallest, my Miyuki, was gone.

I killed her.

I love you, Miyuki.

I eventually left that room. The research station was being closed. The Vortians were blamed for the blob, as no one knew who had really made it. I was safe from them, at least. But just because my entire race didn't hate me for what I did, I hated myself.

I probably would have continued hating myself until I worked up the courage to kill myself had I not found out something. A small detail, really. On my way back to my rooms to get my things, I found High Advisor Spork's outer robe. In it was a remote.

_My_ remote. The one used to control the blob!

Realization hit me so hard, I felt as though I were about to pass out. My vision shrank until it was nothing but a small circle focused on the hem of High Advisor Spork's robe.

I hadn't activated the blob.

_Spork had_.

Instantly my hatred shifted. Spork had killed the Tallest, my Miyuki. It was the perfect plan. He gets rid of the Tallest, conveniently laying the blame on someone else. Then he would become the Tallest. And no one would ever find out.

Except, perhaps, a small, nearly insignificant scientist's assistant who loved Miyuki with everything he had.

I was going to get revenge. My Miyuki was gone forever, and the gaping wound in my heart would never heal. Yet I would get some small satisfaction out of making him pay.

It took me several weeks to come up with a decent plan, and several months to set it up. But finally, finally it was ready.

I attended Spork's inauguration. Casually slipped into the sleeve of my ceremony robe was the remote that controlled my blob, modified for this purpose.

I waited. I _saluted_, him, even though I would rather have ripped my antennae out by the roots. And I waited. It was while talking with Red and Purple, a unbreakable duo at any age, that I got my chance. They asked what I had in my hand.

"Oh, this old thing?" I had responded casually as I held up the modified remote disguised as a collar. And then I turned it on.

The effect was immediate. The monster, now warped beyond original specifications, burst through the ceiling. It raised its head and roared, searching of the special sound that was calling it. The sound that came from the remote. Thinking quickly, I yelled at Spork to catch.

He turned around, giving me a bewildered look as I tossed the collar at him. Perhaps, in that last second, he might have recognized me as Miyuki's friend. In any case, it didn't matter. The collar landed over his head, swinging around a few times before coming to rest around his neck. And then the blob was on him.

My life has been rather broken since then. There've been other jobs, other destruction's. Red and Purple became the new Tallest, together until the end. I've been shuffled all around the universe until I wound up here, on a "special mission" from the Tallest 'cos I wouldn't stop annoying them.

Yeah right, my Tallest. Remember who got Spork. I'm not stupid; just loud.

I remember my Miyuki, though. Not a day goes past that I don't think of her. My heart is more wound than heart, and it'll never heal. I know that I'll never see my Miyuki again, and it hurts. It hurts worse than anything that has ever been done to me, and that can happen to me. I think I'm dying from the inside out. I know I'm not well, and I'll never be well. There's not enough of my heart left to survive.

But maybe…maybe I'll get something. Miyuki once said that Tallest were decided by a group of genes and age. She guessed that because I had very little of the regular growth hormone, that I might be a Tallest. It would make sense. I have the attitude of a Tallest. Maybe all I need to do is wait, and I can become the next Tallest.

I've already started to grow. I'm already twice the height I was when I bumped into my Miyuki in the hallways of a research center. I might become Taller then Red and Purple. Who knows?

Miyuki, I love you. I love you with my heart, body, and soul, and without you I'm dying. I'll never be well, I'll never be whole. It's my fault you're dead, that you're gone forever. But don't worry, Miyuki. I won't be long in joining you. And maybe then I can finally tell you what I meant to tell you, so long ago.

I love you, Miyuki.

I love you.


End file.
